After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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