Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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