bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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