i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
