There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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