i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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