Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
