I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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