Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
