girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
