problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize