Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
