this beer tastes like vomit already
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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