sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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