so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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