mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize