I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
