I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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