i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No subtext here. People are naked.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
