I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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