Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
