She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
