I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
