I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
