I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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