I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
