He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
