It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
