is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
