Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
