if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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