Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
