When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
