This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
