people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
