there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize