She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
