just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
