Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
