I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
