i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
These tits shall not be calmed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
