so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
