I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
