So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
