Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Actions speak louder than pants.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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