Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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