Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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