I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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