U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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