just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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