I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
