Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
