Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize