im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
