Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
