tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
50% drunk capacity currently
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
