and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
