Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
