I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
