I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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