it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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