I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
