When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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