Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
