apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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