So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
