You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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