"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize