and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
