First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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