I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
