So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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