So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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