There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
