u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
