3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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