My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Are we still banned from the library?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
