I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize