I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
