$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize