dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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