My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Text me some of your sweat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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