If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
