i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
