Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
