It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You don't make any sense
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