i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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