Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
