So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
