I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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