I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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