Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
